“I love you, very much. But I don’t agree with your lifestyle and your sexuality because God told me it’s not right. One day you will understand. I will keep praying for you no matter what.”
I don’t usually do this but I am tired hearing it over and over again from people around me and I really want to share this.
Growing up Christian - I went to a Christian school, was active at church, having many Christian friends, etc, the statement above is no stranger to me.
Growing up I was confused and was constantly asking for acceptance without even realising that what I was - so very desperate to find a place I belonged. I constantly felt left out, alienated and different.
“Why am I gay?”, “Why am I so different?”, “Why am I not as masculine as him?”, “Why am I so shit at sports?”, “Maybe if I date a girl, these feelings in me will go away?”, these questions were in my head on a daily basis. It was a constant battle for me, with myself. The Bible says God loves me and you no matter what and He created us all based on His image. So, in this case, is He gay? Must not be, because my church told me it’s a sin.
I was so confused and I ended up hating myself a lot more. I didn’t know where to go, I just wanted to hide and disappear, forever.
The good thing is, I don’t feel like that anymore. I know myself better. I’m still learning and still not sure what and where I’m going to be, but I know exactly what and where I do not want to be. I know my value and my worth, but I also accepts my weaknesses.
I have made peace with myself, the world and Christianity. I don’t want to fight and argue anymore.
I’m not perfect, I never will be, and neither is everyone else in this world.
What I’m asking is please stop. It is being judgemental at its best, whilst avoiding taking responsibility for your part in causing hurt.
Don’t try to justify your action by telling me that God told you so and you will pray for me. Or God will save or heal me if I’m willing. What do you mean? Do you mean that I have to let go of my sexuality to be “complete”?
Just no, stop. If you, and most importantly God, loves me as me, then this wouldn’t and shouldn’t happen in the first place? I just see it as total contradiction and hypocrisy. It is also degrading. I refuse for anyone to define and value me based on my sexuality. I am more than my sexuality, way more than that.
At the end of the day, I’m just sad and terrified. Sad because people should’ve known me, my life and my community better. They have been in my life for a while, it just felt like a massive jab to my heart.
I’m terrified because I have opened up myself to them so much, then this happened? WTF???
If you don’t agree with my views, believes and lifestyle, kindly state it and leave. Do not judge; if you choose to stay, then make peace with it. We are both entitled to our own opinions and we must own them.
If you can’t accept us, me especially, as part of the LGBTQ community as we are, please do us a favour, kindly leave without judgement. I am sure I will do the same.
After all, life goes on.
❤️🌈
n i c k a l f i e
